1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
