When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
