In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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