Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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