i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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