They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Dear god my vagina.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
