I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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