I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
