Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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