Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
if only i could text you this smell
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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