Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
