definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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