Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
