I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
