I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
