you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
