i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
