i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
lol hangovers are for mortals.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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