im drinking this country out of the recession.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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