im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
