how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
