ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
