The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
