you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
