I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
