There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
