I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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