it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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