You can't motorboat a personality
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
porn star boner night. come get it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
