You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
