I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
