she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
