I am puke
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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