it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm both gender and math confused
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
