She is in my trunk
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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