If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need to calm my uterus...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
