super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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