I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
