Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You pole danced in your parka.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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