I smell stomach acid.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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