It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
