I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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