last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
