Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
