his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
