New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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