can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His hands were made for my vagina.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
