I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i think i have two assholes
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
worst night to have a conscience
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
