I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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