Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you would pick up someone in the library
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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