go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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