Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
