I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
