I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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