Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
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That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
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Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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