We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize