i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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