Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
