Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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