I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
