But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
