john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
