He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
