Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
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i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
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It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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