If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize