Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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