my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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