Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
