woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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