In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize