I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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