she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
