A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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