my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
