your room smells of hookers.
And success
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
