friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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