and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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